One Fine Day

So, as moms, we all have "those days". Those days where you feel like your body is literally going to collapse and your stress level is through the roof. Yesterday was my day. I knew we were in for it when MC spilled an entire cup of goldfish in the floor on our way out the door. I didn't even bother cleaning them up - it takes us approximately 9 hours to get ready and out the door and I wasn't letting this hold us up any longer. I had already waisted 45 minutes staring at her on the potty, waiting for her to do her business....

As I mentioned in my last post, I will be a working woman as of Monday. It is incredibly exciting to be a two-income family again. Part of beginning this new job is fingerprinting and a background check - to be completed uptown.

Previously I wouldn't have thought twice about this as our apartment was right uptown and I could walk pretty much anywhere I needed to go. Moving outside uptown (although we are still only 2 or 3 minutes from it) brings on a new set of challenges - one of which being parking.

I found the building I needed to complete said tasks in and looped the block two or three times looking for a place to park. I found one about 2 blocks away. As I got MC out of the car (because, yes, being a stay-at-home-mom means she accompanies me on all errands - no matter how inconvenient), I realized the stroller was not in the car. I knew right then we were in trouble...

We began our trek to the building and MC was doing well. She insisted on climbing various concrete steps along the way but that was fine. I made it to what I thought was the appropriate building only to find it wasn't. Of course. We had to walk down and across the street. We arrived at the new location and I was ready to get things underway.

When the clerk said "That will be $10", I immediately prayed they took debit or checks. No. Of course not. That would mean our day would be easy which we all know is not the case. She said there was an ATM on the next block.

The next walk to the ATM was not going well. Its was hot, MC was doddling and, about halfway there, she began crying that it's too hard to walk. My energizer bunny 2 year old is screaming its too hard to walk to her 6 month pregnant mother who is sweating her a$$ off. I had no sympathy. We somehow managed to make it to the building that housed the ATM - however, of course it was nowhere to be found. I asked the clerk and he said it was in the next lobby. Then, OF COURSE, MC has to go potty. We found a restroom and the only toilet is splattered with urine. I wasn't about to let MC sit on that but you can't exactly explain to a toddler that we "need to wait to find a more sanitary option". Oh no. When a 2 year old has to go, they have to go. I had no choice but to cradle-hold and hoover her about a foot above the seat. Not fun when pregnant. My 32 pound child felt like 70 pounds by the time she got over her stage fright from the new experience and began doing her business. After the potty and climbing on top of every.single.bench., we walked again.

We made our way down the street and BACK to the first building to complete the fingerprinting. All the while poor MC is screaming and walking about as fast as a 90 year old woman, and I (unsuccessfully) attempted to carry her in sporadic spurts just to speed things along.

Upon being called back for fingerprinting things didn't improve. Big electric scanner with fancy buttons doesn't mesh with a curious 2 year old. MC was immediately intrigued and I spent my time blocking chubby fingers from touching every button she could spot. There was also a pedal the woman was pushing with her foot which was especially interesting to MC so in addition to blocking fingers, I was also blocking brown lady bug shoes from stomping the important pedal. I think at some point I had used all my resources and desperately asked MC to just push her "magic pretend pedal" which was about 5 steps away from the machine. It worked until she saw the buttons on the printer and then went for those.

When the fingerprinting was completed, I thought we were in the clear. Nope. Before we made it out of the scanner area MC started screaming. I had NO IDEA what was wrong and after several attempts to get a response out of her she screamed "MY BOOTY ITCHES!!!" Now I have never seen someone in such distress over an itchy booty, but given our day it came as no surprise that this sensation would send her into hysterics. The workers looked on with confused expressions as I attempted to remove her from the office as quickly as possible so we could tend to the "situation". Dear Lord, help me....

After almost two hours uptown we had completed approximately one task. As we left the building headed to our next destination, I knew we were done. I had persuaded MC outside by saying she could play on my phone but given that the child isn't even coordinated enough to walk normally without falling or running into something, asking her to walk while playing an iphone wasn't the best choice. Her 90-year-old-woman walk had now transcended into the pace of a 90-year-old slug and we were making zero progress. I tried to pull her along but she was cranky and focused and after stopping for a screaming fit in front of a tv news reporter attempting to complete a recording segment, we made our way back to the car. The background check would have to wait.

Once we made it home I, again, thought we were out of the woods. (You would think by this point I had learned that that answer would be NOT QUITE!) I walked into the door greeted by the thousand goldfish that scattered our living room floor. Their smiling faces taunted me to the point of "accidentally" squishing one or two with my foot as we shuffled past. As I was cleaning goldfish and desperately trying to unload the dishwasher to make it appear to the hubs I had not been a lazy bum all day, I hear MC going upstairs. I was desperate to complete just one task uninterrupted so I figured she would be fine for a few minutes. I hear the pitter patter of little feet coming down the stairs and as I greet her at the bottom I am not greeted by Maggie Claire - I am greeted by I-have-black-eyeliner-all-over-my-face-because-I-need-whiskers-to-be-a-tiger Maggie. Lovely. My sweet daughter made her way upstairs, into my makeup bag, removed the eyeliner, and proceeded to cover her entire nose, forehead, and cheeks with "whiskers". I was to the point of a breakdown so being the good mommy that I am, I plopped that kiddo in front of a movie while she ate dinner. I sat on the couch and prayed. (Can I mention that I know the secret of why God made children so stinkin' cute? So you don't stinkin' kill them. I'm serious, its impossible to bring harm to something so adorable - He knew that.)

I completed the day by calling Adam and telling him to enjoy his drinks with the guys - I might have thrown in a huge side order of guilt considering I shared all of the elaborate details of my excursion. I was only partially bitter. The man DOES work hard and NEVER gets to hang out with friends. Its just that his "night out" would happen to fall on the day from hell.

But, that's how life goes. Its hard and its exhausting, but its our life. Its fantastic and I can only hope that maybe tomorrow God will take it easy on me :) Happy Thursday everyone!!

PS - I promise the camping post is coming soon!