Aside from being one of my favorite songs, "UnderPpressure" could be the soundtrack to my life lately. My husband says I get too personal and share entirely too much information on my blog, but my "facebook front" has to be shed and the question in my head must be asked...
Who has it flippin' together?
Allow me to clarify. I am one of those guilty parties who constantly compares myself to others. I question whether I measure up and, if I don't, how can change? Now, I personally think this can be a good thing at times. I think wanting to be a better person, mother, wife, etc. is important no matter where the motivation might come from. However, let's face it - constantly comparing yourself to other people is self depricating and destructive - you will NEVER measure up..... or do you and you just don't know it? Do I have it more together than I give myself credit for?
Since baby number two has come along, my life has been turned upside down. Again. Previously when I stayed home with Maggie Claire I really felt I had it "together". I had our routine, I had TIME to keep the house spotless and scrumptious meals ready when Adam walked in the door. I organized a playgroup, devoted time to spiritual growth, couponed, exercised, and budgeted our finances. I was the picture of "togetherness".
Then, I began working. Let's just say that arriving home at 6:30 every night put a big damper on my ability to do all of the previously mentioned things. However, I slowly got into a routine and things got a little better. I still struggled with keeping the house clean and preparing those delicious meals, but I was surviving. I had my head above water.
Currently, my "togetherness" is non existant. I can't seem to keep my head above water and do all of the things I think I should be doing. We have been dealing with a fairly fussy baby this last week or so, and all my day consists of is feeding, changing, and desperately trying to get him to sleep (he will sleep great in my arms but the moment I put him down he starts crying). I have no time to get anything accomplished and when Adam gets home I feel as though I have little, if anything, to show for my day at home.
When he and MC arrive I then struggle with getting everyone fed, giving MC quality time, completing chores that didn't get done during the day, and tending to little Grey. Granted, Adam helps with all of these things, but its still a struggle to get everything completed in a few short hours.
With this new experience in our lives I can't help but wonder how so many women do it. DO THEY REALLY HAVE IT ALL TOGETHER? I wonder so often if they are some sort of super woman with special powers or if its all a front. Do these working women with two kids REALLY have a spotless house all the time? Are their children REALLY that well behaved all the time? Do they REALLY have plenty of quality time with their spouse? If you are one of these "super women" please tell me its a front. Please tell me if I were to stop by your house at 7:00pm on a weekday I would find your child screaming, your spouse chasing them, dinner not served, beds unmade, baskets of laundry on the floor, the sink full of dishes, the pantry unstocked, and you standing in the middle of it all like a deer in headlights. Please. Tell me thats the case.
I want to believe I'm not the only one who struggles with keeping it all together. Then, I see friends who are expecting their third child. Or hear Adam talk about the guy at work who just had his FIFTH. Obviously they have it together. If they didn't, they wouldn't be adding another kiddo to the mix. I can't even FATHOM having another child - I am barely functioning with two. How is it these people get it all done. How do these women keep it together under such pressure?
If you are one of those moms who does it all, please share the wealth. Write a book. Heck, write a blog. A short instructional guide would be highly appreciated. If you DON'T have it all together, please share that as well. Tell me you are also a big 'ole facebook fronter. Pretty please?
I hide a lot on Facebook. More or less because it invites people to comment and be a part of things that really... they have nothing to do with.
ReplyDeleteTHAT BEING SAID, I am a part time student with a full time job and aspirations of one day finally becoming a mother (its my dream. it will happen one day). And I can barely keep anything together. My house looks like a bomb went off on a good day. It's a lot of work to maintain a household!
My best friend has four kids, and her house is loud and full of laundry. The truth is, a good life for your babies isn't about how clean your house is. It's about having parents who care and love you. Newborns are hard. They need you all the time and it's hard to get a lot done. THIS DOES NOT MAKE YOU A BAD ANYTHING. IT MAKES YOU NORMAL. I GUARANTEE THOSE OTHER LADIES ARE FRONTIN'.
Here are some things that helped my friend when her youngests (twin boys) were babes
- as soon as baby holds his head up comfortably, get a baby carrier. it will free up your hands but give him the comfort he needs
- get one of those sleep sheep or slumber bears. they are very soothing and have helped her boys sleep since they were 3 months (3 years now, where does the time go?)
- don't try to be anything you think you have to be. you are a mom. of two. and you have just had a baby. you have every right to have a messy house and a quick dinner. you created the miracle of life. everyone else can suck it.
- take help from friends and family. if someone offers to watch the baby or MC let them. And take that time to relax, nap and just feel better.
- you are important too. you have to take care of this family and mom is the glue of the whole operation. so make sure you are giving yourself every opportunity to rest and relax because running yourself too thin will ultimately just make you feel worse.
much love <3
Jessica! I only have one child and feel the same way so you are doing way more than me! Just hang in there! NO one is perfect and don't ever let anyone give you the impression that they are! Life is too short! Just let your house go and love that new baby and when the weekend rolls around you can do the chores, get the grocery's and make the beds! Hang in there! Grey is adorable! Lesley H.
ReplyDeleteIt's 5:00 pm and I am still in my pjs. I didn't brush my teeth until about noon. And I cried last night getting dressed to go grocery shopping bc none of my clothes fit anymore. And the only way I sleep at night is by holding my 3 wk old. My 2 1/2 year old is "scared of the potty" and I haven't cooked a meal since October!
ReplyDeleteHope that makes you feel better. :)
I think having it together means you do what works for your family during that particular season in your life. You're doing great!!
Jess, no one, NO ONE, has a perfect house or a perfect family ALL THE TIME! If their house is clean all the time and they work and have children, they also at least have a house keeper! Only on TV does perfection happen. Tooke a lifetime to understand this. My hope is that you catch on a little quicker than me! ;-). Let the house go a little, it won't hurt a bit.
ReplyDeleteDid you go back to breastfeeding to help with the reflux issues? Good luck! Just be glad you don't have the older one at home all day too. ;)
ReplyDelete